Just A Moment

She woke up with grogginess only alcohol could bring her and as she opened her eyes and looked around she knew there was something wrong. The room seemed different and the second she realized why, she jumped up from the bed. The death trap, that’s what they used to called beds like these, so comfortable and fluffy that you never would want to leave it.

His bag was no longer where it was for the last three days and everything belonging he had scattered around the hotel room was gone; except the shirt she had on. She frantically looked around for her phone which she found under his pillow. As she tried to call him, she had a sinking feeling that there was no way in hell that she was going to reach him, which turned out to be exactly what happened.

So she just sat there, her kajal smeared and her hair a mess from the night before thinking of what could possibly have happened. Her eyes roamed around the room and then she saw it; a letter on the table with her name on it. The moment she started moving towards it, she realized with a sinking heart, that it was a goodbye.

Siaa,

There is no way I can explain to you why I left 4 days before scheduled. But I think after four years the least I can do is try. From the beginning it was something about you, maybe your magnified ego or maybe your utter brokenness that pulled me towards you but there was an instant chemistry. Through these years we explored each other in every way possible but I had made it crystal clear that it was never going to be anything more than a friendship. You were damaged and so was I, which is probably why we made it this far in the twisted tale but I was going to leave someday, you had predicted it too.

I know you more than I let on, the way you scream at night when it the middle of one of your nightmares, the way you do your hair just right before you see me, the crack in your voice when I talk about another woman and the look in your eyes when you know we’re going to kiss. I act oblivious but believe me, I am far from it. You may deny being in love with me but I no longer deny what I feel for you. It’s obvious; there would be no other explanation for a person like me to stick to one girl for such a long time. I know you inside out and the layers you have peeled off me makes me vulnerable, a feeling I hate more than any other.

The last few months we talked about what would happen if this were to end and the fear in your eyes made it clear that you dreaded nothing more than losing the comfort of dependence, losing the one person who chose never to hurt you than anything else. But the person I am, I cannot go through with this. You entice me, but scare me. Your perceived strength and severity contrasts everything you really are. I see through the layers and can tell that I am definitely not what you want. As much as I love you, I don’t want to hold you back any longer. I can’t see you burning for more and know that I can’t give it to you. This was our last time and I hope you understand there is no version of us without an end like this.

Love,

 Akshat  

 

She sat there reading the words she knew were coming for her eventually but it still shattered every piece of her already broken heart. He was gone and there was nothing she could do about it. He was her best friend, the one she called up after everything went wrong, the one who called her beautiful, the one she shared every morsel of her being with, but he was gone now. Fuck buddies, people called them, but they both knew it wasn’t the sex that held them together, it was the mind. Their conversation, their liberating debates, the fact that they were both alpha males in any relationship they had ever kept, the fact that their ego clashed in a way they liked, which made them more. And now, it was gone. The one she depended on chose to leave her rather than just trying to go along with the flow that had brought them so close to the idea of love.

She had endured heart breaks before, but this was a feeling indescribable to even her own mind. She just sat there, waiting for the tears to flow but they never did. It was like she had finally gone numb, run out of tears, like she always knew she eventually would. It took so long for herself together, but all it took was a moment, a single moment to break her completely.

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