They’ve been in close proximity, but never are they really present. They linger and just wait for you to break. They speak through a veil of contempt and disrespect even if the words they use are friendly and comforting. You wanted to play because you thought you were the ultimate player, little did you know you were playing their game along and they were in fact, the masters. They will choose you, play you, and erase you once they are done. They will break you down just to prove that they are capable and all you will be left with is dry sadness and raging fury. You will overcome the dryness but the rage will live on, like a ball of wildfire in the pit of your stomach.
You will ultimately turn into a ghost of a memory for them but they won’t budge an inch from yours. They will drive you away from the image you had of yourself and they will persist till the time you look at yourself with disgust. And at the end of it all, they will finally walk away with a smugness you despise while you are left to pick up the pieces of your oh-so-broken self.
It hummed in the background as night turned to day, but ignorance was bliss.
The screeches started later that day, it too was pushed to the back of my mind.
Persistent and roaring, it kept pulling forward till it was all that was left.
Eating at my insides, consuming me whole, it struck at the darkest hours.
The sky burst open and so did my soul.
It came flooding out as I crumbled to the ground with nothing to hold on to.
Shocked I was, but it kept me mesmerized as the it pulled forward.
Consciousness started to elude me but I no longer wanted to care.
It took over and I still didn’t care; now it was what I wanted so I let it be.
I crashed and so did my spirit. It was done.
There was no going back, but would I survive it, is a question unanswered.
The mind raced at a speed it seldom did. The thoughts were indistinguishable disruptive. They sped in and out at the speed of lightning and all that was craved, was pin-drop silence. The wind was no longer pleasant, it seemed invasive if anything at all. The voices only made it worse, so much worse.
The body tingled and the eyes burnt. A couple of tears had already made their way down the face but the mind was reluctant to let any others go. A voice had already started talking, a bell had started ringing and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it. The inky black night had started enveloping itself around the interiors of the mind; it was overwhelming to say the least. Comforting words were spoken but none of them were of any use; the black kept on spreading like malicious fog and it had engulfed everything. There was nothing white, there weren’t even any greys anymore.
The words started to echo, as if they came from a distance. The restlessness was unrelenting. The sinking feeling in the pit of the stomach sent a message; the darkness had won and there was nothing to do about it. All the doubts once had, had been proven to be true.
A turning point had set itself in the course of time. The emotions so effectively suppressed for years had started to cloud themselves all around, and at an alarming rate. The mind felt regressive, like it was growing back to what it was years ago. It seemed unnatural but necessary, like it was bound to happen and being prepared was the obvious solution, but preparations were never made.
The journey from numb and detached to overwhelmingly distraught for reasons unknown was a journey of a few minutes. Everything had changed. The dark had taken over and the light was gone. Emotion had filled the void it had left years ago. The tap was turned on, the gates were open and the time to deal with three years of emotion had presented itself. Now, only words were left to find; nothing could express what had just happened.