The Gut Feeling

My Gut. I’ve told myself time and time again never to ignore my Gut but alas, if only I would listen. That time he didn’t touch me the entire night, it said, “he doesn’t want you anymore”. I ignored it to the best of my capability and a week later voila! He was gone. The time he didn’t drop me to the airport it said, “he would have if he really liked you.” I brushed that aside and a week later, we were done. There was another time when he said, “we’re on vacation with everyone. We don’t need to go on a date exclusively.” Coming from a man who dreamed of taking me out on a fancy date it said again, “something’s definitely out-of-place”, but all I did was lay my head on his shoulder and hold on to his hand. Again, a month later it was over. Let me tell you a secret; in all these instances, “He” changes to a different man. Yes, they’re all different. That’s how many times my gut has tried to warn me, or tell me something. That’s how well my intuition works.

I’m disoriented by nature but my subconscious tends to take notice of behavioral patterns, and it sends me signals which I’ve always ignored. Eventually this leads to heartache, one side of my head telling the other “I told you so”, and a lot of regret for not listening to myself.

This morning my stomach started to flip out. For some reason Kaushal popped into my head. I hadn’t thought about him for ages, it had been months since we last exchanged words, and he had absolutely no business popping up where he doesn’t belong anymore. But he stayed on for a couple of hours. I was slightly on edge at first but it soon became downright uncomfortable. I don’t know why I did what I did, but I ended up messaging him. I asked him when he was in town next and to my astonishment, he had just landed in Ahmedabad this morning. He’s here for a month and his mother had been diagnosed with some form of Leukemia. Honestly, I wouldn’t wish that on my enemies, let alone someone I was in love with once upon a time. What bothered me was there were no signs. Previous gut messages always had a reason to pop up, something was wrong. This time, there was no logical reasoning my subconscious used to come to a conclusion. It was pure, unadulterated intuition that made me send the first message. I don’t know why, but I needed to know.

It’s a powerful tool, intuition. Especially once you acknowledge you have it and you start listening to it. You know what your conscience could never convey to you, you just know. And if you have it, be sure to listen to it. As humans, we tend to rationalize our thoughts and actions but if this morning was any proof, not everything can be rationalized, not everything can be explained. Listening to others can misguide you, but listening to yourself? It needs to be done. And it needs to be done often so listen to what your gut tells you, it’s mostly right.