As I Grow

As I grow, I learn. My desires from a relationship have changed over the course of time. Now I no longer want someone who says they would be with me forever, and I no longer want someone who says they would never leave me. I am not looking for someone who is always neatly dressed up, or wears shiny shoes, or has an amazing sense of humour. I am not looking for someone who has the false sense of love, and thinks that love is finding that one perfect person, or someone who is trying to check items off their list while they search for “the one”.

I want someone who understands that “the one” is a fairy tale, and though fairy tales do happen in real life, they take much more work than the Cinderella finding her prince charming by walking into a party. Every fairy tale ends with “happily ever after”, I want someone who realizes that the “happily ever afters” are a lot of hard work. As I grow, I have learnt that the physical traits matter less and less and loyalty and undivided attention are the most important traits in a relationship. I don’t want someone who sugar coats everything, and never gets angry. I want someone who is raw, and real, and tells me how it really is. I am more interested in someone who realizes that sometimes life happens and sometimes things don’t work out. I want to be able to make a conversation with them, for four hours straight, and not feel bored, unwanted and feel like they are not listening. I want someone who wants to know how my day was, always. As I grow, I have learnt that privacy is important, and there is only so much time that we all have on this earth and only so many people that we can spend it with.

I want someone who wants to spend their time with me as much as I want to spend time with them, any less is just not good enough. I want someone who admits that they really like my company rather than playing games. But alas, modern dating means games have become the norm, and I don’t have time or patience to play along.

This isn’t mine. Credits to¬†Shivee Chauhan

Stop

I’m ready to accept that not everything bad that happens, happens to me. In fact, I think most emotions twenty-something females go through are universal. Most of us have had the charming-no good-cheating boyfriend;¬†there would always be the funny guy who has severe commitment issues, and last but definitely not the least, the best friend it didn’t work out with because of something as mundane as logistics.

The cheating boyfriend took away your self-confidence and made you question yourself more than any of the rest, but you got out of it alive. You’re actually quite proud of how you survived that one. The funny guy made you question everything all over again, but you still held your own. The best friend however, is more difficult and delicate a situation. You break up amicably but with a heavy heart and you try your best to be as normal as possible. For the most part, you end up succeeding. You remain friends and probably grow even closer than you were before you were together. At some point, you will rethink the decision of ending things because everything are brilliantly comfortable, he understands you without you having to explain yourself to him, you have a ball of a time even when it’s just the two of you and every days seems better when he’s in it. It’s been years since the breakup and the logistics start to sort themselves out. Life seems to be gliding by; the best thing in it is probably him and you think, “I can take my time with this, he isn’t going anywhere.”

And then, BAM! He starts dating someone else and all of a sudden you end up lost. He’s treating her like a queen, the queen you hoped to be someday, he’s taking her places you’ve been but he’s making more of an effort. He’s calling you to say he’ll see you in the evening but the follow-up call never comes because he’s with her and forgot for a second that someone like you existed. He’s tagging her in “Every Girl With a Cute Face Will Understand” type of posts on Facebook. The jealousy is raging and now, more than ever, you feel like you don’t matter, like you were just another number, a girl he hung out with because he had nothing better to do.

One piece of advice; STOP. Shit happens all over the place all day, every day. He moved on before you, but you will too. You can talk to him, but stop for a second and think: is this really what you want? Or is this because you aren’t number one anymore? Don’t be reckless and immature because you wouldn’t want to be with him and then just end up hurting him. So stop. Stop for a moment and think about why you’re feeling the way you’re feeling. Stop blaming yourself for circumstantial sadness. Stop questioning every decision you ever made.

Yes, you’re losing your friend a little bit but isn’t that his choice, not yours? You used to hang out together because you liked hanging out together. It wasn’t some sort of job or duty. When the honeymoon period is over, you’ll be his friend again. You have to figure out if that’s all you want because if it’s more, he needs to know as soon as possible. But stop losing your head and start thinking straight from the mind, not the heart.

You are a brilliant person; you’re smart, funny, self-aware and gorgeous. It isn’t your fault and it never was. Talk to him, because you will eventually have to, no matter which way your mind decides to bend. And most of all, stop behaving like you’re a part of a chick flick, because honey, you ain’t in one. This is life, and this is your life. You want something to happen? Stop moping and go and take control. Go and tell him he’s being a dick and you don’t like being ignored. Or go and tell him he’s the love of your life and you want to be with him. But go and tell him something. Take a leap of faith, or have a little faith in the relationship you have with him. Either way, you will know where you stand and what you have to do. Moping around hoping he’ll understand you is a complete waste of time. He doesn’t even know that anything’s wrong. Give him a break and help him out. It’s the only way you’ll ever get what you want and truly deserve.